There is something about getting up at 6.30 a.m. just because your spouse has to, that makes you feel magnanimous. Even though he is the one going out to earn the crust and I am sat at home all day in front of daytime television eating Crunchies, I still feel that I am doing him an immense favour.
I nip down to make the tea and bring up a large plate of toast while he shaves loud enough to make sure that the children are woken. We all sit in the bathroom drinking our morning drinks and scoffing toast and then he is off with a cheery wave and I am left with two grumpy children. Because we have all been woken before our time, we are miserable and bad tempered all day. The bathroom is left full of cups, and toast crumbs get in the most unimaginable places. I then have three hours to entertain them before school / playgroup even begins, and we've already done breakfast. Luckily we have a jigsaw that is interesting enough to be done over and over and over again to fill three hours.
The tin hat was put on it when we finally reached school to find that everyone else was coming home again. "The water is off! The water is off!" they shouted as they skipped past me and back to their gameboys. Everyone else that is, apart from Year Three who were off on a trip to see a museum and were obviously gutted. So I was left with having to drag the children all the way home again to a house that had no water for the kettle.
"It's OK," I said to a friend, who was taking six other children as well as her own home, "we'll come for a sh*t in your house."
"Sorry," she replied, "someone has beaten you to it and the cistern is empty."
Oh well, what else are libraries for?
Lorraine Jenkin is an author, journalist and blogger.
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