We were so excited. Yesterday was supposed to be the hottest day of the summer and the last day of the summer. So we decided that we had to do something. I stuck a bit more water in the paddling pool and we bought some burgers. However, by the time we had woken up it was cloudy and gloomy and the six loads of washing that I had put through the night before were looking like they might spend the next two weeks sat on clothes horses in doorways.
Depressed wasn't the word for it and as another day of Huw trying to teach me how to do everything that I have been doing for 38 years, his way, loomed we thought sod it and found a few old Marks and Spencers vouchers and headed for the concrete slab that is Hereford.
We got a wheelchair from Shopmobility, stuck the Little One in the pushchair and set off. Bigger One wanted to ride on the wheelchair, then Little One did, then Bigger One wanted to push it, then she wanted Little One to get out of the pushchair for her to get in. By this time, the heatwave had kicked in and I regretted my choice of thick jeans and woollen socks.
We'd once had a good experience in Marks and Spencers, so we decided to chance it again for lunch. Big Mistake. Someone had obviously been fiddling with the displays, so that not all of them were wide enough for a wheelchair to get through and we would go down dead-end after dead end, getting wedged beween sensible t-shirts and elasticated slacks. Eventually we got to the cafe bit, where all the assistants couldn't believe that we really existed and therefore no one would help. By this time, Bigger One had got off Huw's lap and was eyeing up a circuit round the room. Little One needed a stretch and I needed another four hands. It was a scoff everything down before it all goes too wrong and get out out out...
The upside of M&S is that Little One loves "silkies" - anything that is silky to the touch. Therefore for her, being pushed through the ladies' underwear dept was heaven and she would grab at nighties and bras as they brushed past - and managed to grab and chew a few as we got stuck in the dead ends. Bigger One just put the larger bras on her head for hats. So, if you have since bought a sticky nightie from Hereford M&S, sorry, but it is because they didn't provide any serviettes and the queue for toilet was too long.
The tin hat was found as we returned to the car and saw our parking ticket... I had forgotten to put Huw's blue badge, or the "Cripper" as it is known, on the car. Seventy blimmin quid. Can't pay that with M&S vouchers...
oh, and when we got home and decided to have our barbie and a "swim" in the paddling pool, we found that all the larvae had hatched in it and no matter how hard I tried to tell Charlotte that they and the dead bumble bees floating about were bits of leaf, it didn't work. I think it is time that the paddling pool goes back in the barn to get eaten by mice over the winter.
Lorraine Jenkin is an author, journalist and blogger.
Books
